I was chatting with a friend recently and she shared how alone she felt. People she knew for years and had solid relationships with seemed to turn on her. Here today, gone tomorrow. "I just don't understand what I've done? I thought our friendship was stronger than that," she said. "They believed what they heard from someone else and now, BOOM. They've disappeared." I asked if she had reached out to them to try and have a conversation with her 'friends' and perhaps talk through whatever issue that caused a separation. "I've tried and all I get is one word answers," she lamented. "It's like they want nothing to do with me because of what they were told."
My heart went out to her. I think we've ALL been there before.
Don't be surprised by individuals who are close to you for a season, and then disappear for a lifetime. It’s the ebb and flow of life. Few remain for a lifetime. What may be surprising is when individuals chose to walk away because they heard “about you” from others. They walked away yet they never took the time to listen to you personally. How many times have we lost relationships with individuals because we heard the “version” rather than listened to them?
We have these discussions quite frequently with our kids to prepare them for adulthood. People will walk away without ever calling or visiting with you to listen to what is within your heart and why you made certain decisions. Yet no matter the amount of times this happens, don't become bitter toward them just because they chose to hear about you rather than listening to you or chose to believe the worst regarding your decisions. Learn to bless them, learn to respect them and learn to pray for the Lord to use them for His Glory.
Ephesians 4:29-32 says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Paul says here that those HEARING what we say about someone else should benefit from our conversation in a godly way.
Whoa...That hit me like a ton of bricks! While you may think a conversation about someone is occurring between you and another one privately, would a passerby eavesdropping, reading the text, listening on the phone conversation, be blessed by what you and another are saying about the other person or would they be shocked, appalled or disappointed? Would it taint their opinion of the other person? Paul said to "Get rid of" it (verse 31). He said those people...you know, the ones you so badly want to gossip about, share what you've heard, or believe to be true...treat them with kindness and compassion and forgive them for whatever they've done to you or whatever you think they've done to you. For one day when you find yourself in the same position (and if you live long enough, it WILL happen), you will want kindness, compassion and forgiveness shown to you.
Don’t become so bitter that you can’t say, “Father forgive them”.
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